dark days

i have lost optimism since the past year or 2. from what i can remember this started since the fall of 2009. at the moment, it is spring of 2011 and i am more pessimistic than i have ever been. so i guess i have been rolling down a slope from optimism to pessimism. the positive energy inside of me has just been fading away slowly. consequently all i feel inside of me is negative energy and it is sad because what i have is all i can give out. and i feel like i am giving off negative energy everywhere i go. i have been aware of this trend yet i can't seem to stop myself from rolling down. i guess the momentum is quite large and it demands a lot of effort to even stop it. i am trying but haven't been successful yet. my current situation would best be described by this Nepali saying that i ve heard my father say every once in a while: "kukur ko kaam pani chhaina, fursad pani chhaina". i have been really inefficient in school this semester. no matter how much time i allocate for studying, i can't seem to focus. so, i don't get things done in optimum time, and actually don't get most of the things done in time at all. but i guess a change takes time. so i am still trying my best. we ll see when this trend takes a positive turn and the graph starts rising up again.

i realize this is a very depressing, sad, mood-destroying blog but i promise to rejuvenate myself. my next blog will be more positive.

alvida till then.