A picture of the moon I took with my D5100 after a talented night photographer taught me how to.

Consistency in schedules -is it essential?

For some reason, my natural state of being does not favor consistency in my undertakings. If I am to do something out of my free will and desire, I tend to tilt towards more randomness in my schedules. Only when I am required to, I find myself being consistent with any sort of schedules. Why is it that something inside of me says you gotta be more consistent and yet the everyday me finds it difficult to maintain that consistency?

Is this consistency that I am talking about really a habit? If so, am I really just asking why is it so difficult to form a potentially beneficial habit? Maybe it has to do with the fact that I think the new habit will be beneficial. Because I know it would be better in my conscious mind, maybe the old conscious mind, for some reason, doesn't allow for the change. But this doesn't make much sense. 

There are always a lot of variables at play at any given time, which may easily keep me from repeating the same schedule the next day, if I convince myself that they are more important than maintaining the schedule. For example, I began writing this at a time when I should be studying and finishing up my task for the day. But I chose this instead. Why? I felt like I would not be able to focus very well because some thoughts were occupying my mind. 

Thought occupying my mind reminds me how I always try to initiate the habit of meditating but never keep at it for more than a few days. I only remember or think about it when I feel a bit stressed. Maybe, it is my cheapness and fear which keeps me at bay and never lets me take off into wide open ocean. Cheapness in a sense that I would only do something if I need to. Why can't I do something just for the shake of doing it and even if I don't see any immediate benefit? Is this an inherent flaw inside of me?

Maintaining a single schedule has been a real difficulty at this stage in life. I will keep trying though. Even if I do not succeed to perfection, maybe I can still reach somewhere close to it, if I keep trying and if I keep failing. 

a picture i took during an island-hopping tour in the phi-phi islands in thailand

some reflections

ok, so i have lived for a semester each in singapore and hongkong but don't have any written reflections on my experiences there.
so, here i go, trying to write a few words...

singapore - what a country! in many aspects.

people: very nice people, mostly. and the singlish they speak is just plain beautiful. haha. i feel it is similar to how russell peters mocks them arabic ladies speaking in a resturant/cafe. one day, my friend lost his backpack, which had a camera, his passport, cell phone and what not, in the mrt, but got it back after 2 days. you cannot hope to get a backpack back after losing it in most countries.

when it comes to singapore's fame for cleanliness, first i thought it is a little over-exaggerated cuz i saw constructions every here and there. + the suburb that i live in, in the usa, is just as clean anyway. but i guess what is the most striking to many is that the whole country, on average, is very clean.

food: oh man, how i enjoyed the tamil food in singapore - some of the best foods i have had. and sooo cheap la! atleast compared to the prices in all these western countries. + the black pepper crab i had in that jumbo seafood restaurant in clarke quay was very good.

politics and all that: didnt get to study much of it. have read a few articles that suggested that the singaporean governance/laws are not quite a copy of other western systems but custom built to suit the country's social/economic aspirations. i know that the singaporean government office holders are paid very well.but all kinds of people seem to enjoy the basic necessities of life. i dont recall seeing any beggars or a very poor person.

Nepali viewpoint: i asked a few taxi drivers about their views on nepalis in singapore. they have a very positive image of nepalis. they are happy that gorkhalis form a crucial part of their security system. one taxi driver, i remember, gladly told me a story of how the gorkhalis bravely caught one of the most notorious international criminal in the forests of singapore. so, i was a proud nepali walking in the streets of singapore.

aru testai ho...dherai lekhe jasto lagyo...pachhi edit garumla. hongkong ko barema ni lekhna baki bhayo, pachhi lekhumla. adios.




note to myself: write about the humidity, nightlife, NUS, architectures...etc..etc..next time.

stress for no reason

i tend to stress for no valid reason. i guess i like giving myself a hard time, after having a period of an amazingly good time. its a cycle man. i literally cried for months, only to realize that its all good. from now on, anup is gonna look at things as if he were 10 years ahead in timeline from now, and think about it this way - whatever he is stressing out on today will be nothing more than something to laugh at then.

tata bye bye

Check out the nipples in the foreground, but don't forget the city either. ktm ya'll.

dark days

i have lost optimism since the past year or 2. from what i can remember this started since the fall of 2009. at the moment, it is spring of 2011 and i am more pessimistic than i have ever been. so i guess i have been rolling down a slope from optimism to pessimism. the positive energy inside of me has just been fading away slowly. consequently all i feel inside of me is negative energy and it is sad because what i have is all i can give out. and i feel like i am giving off negative energy everywhere i go. i have been aware of this trend yet i can't seem to stop myself from rolling down. i guess the momentum is quite large and it demands a lot of effort to even stop it. i am trying but haven't been successful yet. my current situation would best be described by this Nepali saying that i ve heard my father say every once in a while: "kukur ko kaam pani chhaina, fursad pani chhaina". i have been really inefficient in school this semester. no matter how much time i allocate for studying, i can't seem to focus. so, i don't get things done in optimum time, and actually don't get most of the things done in time at all. but i guess a change takes time. so i am still trying my best. we ll see when this trend takes a positive turn and the graph starts rising up again.

i realize this is a very depressing, sad, mood-destroying blog but i promise to rejuvenate myself. my next blog will be more positive.

alvida till then.

iPhone 4G

So...today i finally got my 4G. had to wait about 12 days after ordering it to actually get it in my hands. it is definitely a cool phone. i d say the coolest i ve had so far. apple products are just amazing. the first application i downloaded was something that plays many nepali FMs live. listened to some news on kantipur fm and smiled, thinking how magical technology can be. listening to nepali fm on my phone in america - it was like a dream come true to me. i d always wanted to listen to nepali fm in the us. a few years back, just being able to listen to it on the computer would have made me happy; i can't believe i can listen to it right on my phone now.

Things Have Changed.

i am sure there are much more similarly exciting things i can discover on this phone. gud bye for now i as go on an iphone expedition. :)

hellooooo

so this is my first blog ever. i have always been a little scared of writing...but maybe it is about time to get rid of that feeling and step into this creative world. thanks to Aswin bhai for making me familiar with the blog world and asking me to make one. I have finally made one. I ll hopefully be updating it often. :)