A picture of the moon I took with my D5100 after a talented night photographer taught me how to.

Consistency in schedules -is it essential?

For some reason, my natural state of being does not favor consistency in my undertakings. If I am to do something out of my free will and desire, I tend to tilt towards more randomness in my schedules. Only when I am required to, I find myself being consistent with any sort of schedules. Why is it that something inside of me says you gotta be more consistent and yet the everyday me finds it difficult to maintain that consistency?

Is this consistency that I am talking about really a habit? If so, am I really just asking why is it so difficult to form a potentially beneficial habit? Maybe it has to do with the fact that I think the new habit will be beneficial. Because I know it would be better in my conscious mind, maybe the old conscious mind, for some reason, doesn't allow for the change. But this doesn't make much sense. 

There are always a lot of variables at play at any given time, which may easily keep me from repeating the same schedule the next day, if I convince myself that they are more important than maintaining the schedule. For example, I began writing this at a time when I should be studying and finishing up my task for the day. But I chose this instead. Why? I felt like I would not be able to focus very well because some thoughts were occupying my mind. 

Thought occupying my mind reminds me how I always try to initiate the habit of meditating but never keep at it for more than a few days. I only remember or think about it when I feel a bit stressed. Maybe, it is my cheapness and fear which keeps me at bay and never lets me take off into wide open ocean. Cheapness in a sense that I would only do something if I need to. Why can't I do something just for the shake of doing it and even if I don't see any immediate benefit? Is this an inherent flaw inside of me?

Maintaining a single schedule has been a real difficulty at this stage in life. I will keep trying though. Even if I do not succeed to perfection, maybe I can still reach somewhere close to it, if I keep trying and if I keep failing.